fifthcurriculum | INTRO LOG

[That leaves Ryan quiet for several long seconds. He has no idea what to say to that-- not because it sounds over the top, he believes it all just fine, but because it sounds like such a dead-end situation. There might be ways of dealing with people, sure, but when they've got a power like that...]

Why? Because he can blame shit on you? What's he even want, that's just- I don't even know what it is, John.

[He lifts his head, pieces of hair all hanging over his forehead after the way he tugged on it, and looks at Ryan flatly.]

He wants me.

[A few seconds of silence to let that settle in, and then he elaborates.]

He won't fuck with my head. Doesn't make me do anything. He wants it all to come from me. He wants to break me.

--that's really fucked up.

[It's the first thing that pops into his head, just blurted right out before he huffs out a breath and shakes his head.]

I don't even know where you'd start trying to deal with that. Without the power, maybe, but if he's messing with other people...

I don't even know if there is any dealing with it. Goddamnit. I just -

[Needed to talk. The urge was so foreign that he doesn't know how to describe it, really.]

- had to get it out. I guess.

It helps. I mean, sometimes even if you're just talking at nothing, it helps.

[He's definitely familiar with that himself. There have been several conversations with animals (and some trashed journal pages) when he didn't really have anyone he felt like going to.]

...If you need to get away from him for a while you can come over here, okay? And if my roommate's in we can just hang out somewhere else.

I'd go to therapy if I wanted to have long talks about my feelings.

[Such a lie. He'd never go to therapy.

But it's an indication of just how deeply he's isolated himself from others, that the very idea of a talk like this is on par with therapy for him. He had to get by on his own, other than the bonds he made for survival, and the few people he did let in never got very far. Just tolerating their presence was a step for him after the constant bullying (on both sides) at school and sheer emotional distance from his parents, and then what came after.]

You weren't that big on my idea of hanging out last time. [A wry grin touches his lips, and it feels like a blessed relief.]

Talking about your feelings isn't necessarily therapy, John.

[Somehow he's not surprised that they're apparently close enough, though. He's picked up by now that John's not the open type, or at least he isn't when it comes to things that are actually personal.

So he moves on easily enough, doesn't push the subject- Ryan gives him an amused little grin in response, reaching up to flick one of those out of place pieces of hair off his forehead.]

Not when we were definitely going to get caught, no. I can take risks sometimes, okay, but I still have a sense of self-preservation.

[The gesture catches him off-guard, and he automatically jerks his head away from it, but has the good grace to look somewhat ashamed afterward.]

It's not you. I believed - believe you. Just not used to that kinda thing. [He's smoothing his hair back into place now, for something to do while he gathers his thoughts. God, he's jittery. This has gotten to him worse than he thought.

Eventually, his own smile comes back.]

So what's an acceptable risk? Your biggest. I got a hell of an answer last time I asked someone this, but she's only ten or something, so not the stiffest competition.

[He looks guilty for a moment, hand quickly pulling back-- right, John's twitchy about that-- but the reassurance helps ease that look off his face quickly enough.

And that question, that makes him blush. Ryan's not sure whether to even answer it at first, but knowing his head? It's going to get out now that he's thought about it, especially if he tries not to think about thinking. He manages a little grin that's both sheepish and proud.]

The biggest one? ...snuck into the math room after hours once.

[Ryan doesn't say for what, but the flickers of thought slipping through give some pretty good hints. Remembered nervousness, hands brushing skin.]

[Yeah, that's a big one. And knowing what he does about Ryan, he has no idea how to react at first. But then a slow grin spreads across his face, until he's all teeth and glittering eyes.]

Holy shit. Holy shit. You have got hidden depths, man.

[He can't help but laugh at that, another one that's almost audible, as his face flushes a little more pink.]

Nobody's a wallflower a hundred percent of the time, right? I'm just- picky about my reasons.

[Those are almost annoyingly charming. He looks away, amused and mildly irritated, and lets go of his legs to stretch them out in front of him, feet hanging off the edge.]

And horniness apparently tops the list. Better hope you never meet him, he'll have you snared in seconds.

Excuse you, it was curiosity, not hormones.

[...yeah, no, it was a healthy dose of both. The reminder makes him curious, though, and his grin fades to a more thoughtful look as he peers at John.]

-so if I should be keeping an eye out, who is this guy?

Curiosity. Right. Just wondering what it'd be like to fuck in a classroom after hours. Almost scientific if you think about it that way.

[He's having way too much fun with this. An easy target who rolls with it is new in his life, and it actually blunts his edge a little.

But yes, there's that reminder, and his brows pinch down sharply. Like a fast-brewing storm.]

Petre Dodrescu. About my height, blonde, some kind of accent. Dresses like a - [That thought's headed off right at the pass.] - fancy.

(how's that for a pickup line. 'let me kiss you for science'.)

[Another little twitch of a grin at that thought-- but when John answers, it instantly disappears. Everything does, really: Ryan's thoughts go blank as he just sort of stares over at John, blinking.

There's no way, alright. There are just... two alarmingly similar guys who are both named Petre, obviously, that's got to be it. He definitely did not do anything with the same guy John says is fucking with him.

God, what is his life.]

No, wait, he said he knew you. [John hasn't noticed the reaction yet. He also doesn't mention that it was mainly to rub in the fact that Ryan appeared to have a crush on John, since they're calling truce over that.

Then he glances over, curious at the lack of reaction. Then confused.

Then horrified.]

Oh fuck, Ryan, you're not that stupid. Tell me you're not that stupid.

Edited 2014-09-20 04:40 (UTC)

I- I didn't know, okay-

(I didn't know he seemed fine and he was cute it just happened)

[That deer in the headlights look stays plastered on his face for a few more moments before Ryan bites his lip, folds his arms across his chest.]

...he suggested it might keep my head quieter. And he was attractive, and he was offering, and I hadn't ever-- I didn't know, John.

Oh, cute. That's a great line. Might as well have been kissing for science.

[He's up and off the bed, pacing irritably.]

This is because I said it. It was a joke, he brought you up like he was trying to make me jealous, and I said you two could ride off into the sunset for all I cared. Or something. Because he pissed me off. I didn't mean it!

It wasn't you!

[It comes out with more force than he means it to, partly to reassure himself.]

He offered the first time we met, okay, and he wanted me to wait. Think about it, come back after a couple days. It didn't have anything to do with you, it couldn't have--

[...wait.]

...what d'you mean he was trying to make you jealous, the hell would he be using me for that?

And that wasn't weird to you? Some random guy picking you up the first time you met? He really did see you coming.

[His hands ball into fists. He's angry on Ryan's behalf, really, but it's ending up directed at him because - well, that's what John knows how to do.]

No, no, now that makes total sense. He had you lined up, and he's so convinced I secretly want him that he figured it'd just eat me up knowing that there was someone else who could take my place. Jesus, he's fucking insane, you have to see that.

[Having it directed at him just makes him assume John's blaming him for that behavior- his brows furrow into a deeper frown, and he's curling up against himself much like John had when he first settled onto the bed.]

I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was supposed to second-guess anyone who has any interest in me! Must've forgotten nobody actually would, what was I fucking thinking, right?

[Ryan tugs his glasses off and reaches up to rub at his face, huffing out a frustrated breath.]

I'm not saying I don't believe you, okay, I'm saying I didn't have any reason to suspect anything. I don't know what you want from me, John.

That is not what I meant. Don't make it personal. He's a fucking creep, I just don't see -

[Okay, this is getting nowhere. He's not admitting how he really feels about this - the actual fear he has for Ryan - when they barely know one another and it'll probably sound just as creepy. With a sharp breath of his own, he stops and turns to face Ryan more seriously.]

All he wants is to use people. That's it. No one is gonna change that. Use them and crush them. Just - don't be any more stupid than you have already.

(I'm making it personal? You're the one getting mad at me for it--)

[It's more distressed than angry, and Ryan's obviously tense when John turns to face him, clinging tightly to himself. There's a little flash of that previous irritation at his last words, but he nods anyway, not relaxing.]

I know it wasn't going to be anything serious, I'm not stupid. And I'm not doing it again.

[His shoulders slowly start to drop, and then his fists unclench.]

I'm not mad at you.

[This time he actually falls backward onto the bed, lying with his legs draped over the edge, scowling up at the ceiling.]

I'm actually pretty close to going crazy. So whatever, take or leave all of this shit.

[He's quiet for a bit, not quite ready to keep going or to start unfolding himself- and he's still not ready for the latter by the time he answers.]

I do believe you, okay? I'm not gonna let it happen again if he's been doing all of this shit to you. But I didn't know about it then and you were pissy about it happening and-

[There's another short sound, barely audible- distressed instead of amused, this time.]

I'm sorry.

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