[He tries not to look, he does, but he can't help it-- even if that's not where he starts the orders, when Petre tells him to do it that fear of what's coming makes him glance back up, pale green eyes fixed on his blue ones like he's caught in that look.
And then the orders start to come.
There's no missing the way he starts to tear up, his thoughts desperate and panicked, a constant loop of no no no don't, you can't, you can't do this, don't please don't--
Then that final part of the order comes, and any thoughts he might have had about warning John slip from his mind. This is between him and Petre, he's not thinking about telling John at all anymore, but he is still full of that same distressed panic at the orders he's been given. Ryan can't do this, he can't-- but the need for it is there already. He wants Petre to go so he can call John over, talk to him, tell him what he wants, and knowing it's only going to ruin everything doesn't make the urge go away.]
You can't do this.
[It's a small, broken little protest, knowing just how futile it is.]
no subject
And then the orders start to come.
There's no missing the way he starts to tear up, his thoughts desperate and panicked, a constant loop of no no no don't, you can't, you can't do this, don't please don't--
Then that final part of the order comes, and any thoughts he might have had about warning John slip from his mind. This is between him and Petre, he's not thinking about telling John at all anymore, but he is still full of that same distressed panic at the orders he's been given. Ryan can't do this, he can't-- but the need for it is there already. He wants Petre to go so he can call John over, talk to him, tell him what he wants, and knowing it's only going to ruin everything doesn't make the urge go away.]
You can't do this.
[It's a small, broken little protest, knowing just how futile it is.]
Don't make me, please--