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Hey. I at least try to look cool, okay.
[And he quickly ducks out from under that ruffle - fingers through the hair is fine, but that's just condescending, the kind of thing you do to a kid.]
God. Feels like I haven't taken a proper breath in days. [He sighs, finally lowering his arm and draping himself over Ryan's torso. As tense as it was, he finally worked things out with Petre to some degree, and hopefully that also means he'll stop his campaign of trying to get John to notice how self-destructive he is. He just doesn't want to think about Petre for awhile.]
[And he quickly ducks out from under that ruffle - fingers through the hair is fine, but that's just condescending, the kind of thing you do to a kid.]
God. Feels like I haven't taken a proper breath in days. [He sighs, finally lowering his arm and draping himself over Ryan's torso. As tense as it was, he finally worked things out with Petre to some degree, and hopefully that also means he'll stop his campaign of trying to get John to notice how self-destructive he is. He just doesn't want to think about Petre for awhile.]
[Fortunately, Ryan's just as content to let it lie for the time being and breathe. He hasn't been able to be close like this since the last time it happened, has been reminded so many times about that fact-- and the sheer relief he can feel from John would be enough to keep him from pushing it even if he did want to get back on the subject.]
...just stay here for a while, then.
[Ryan drapes an arm over him, the other one continuing to play with his hair; it's rare to catch him without it gelled, and he just can't leave it alone.]
...just stay here for a while, then.
[Ryan drapes an arm over him, the other one continuing to play with his hair; it's rare to catch him without it gelled, and he just can't leave it alone.]
That's a cold reception if I ever saw one.
[But there's a soft gaze and a smile lingering on his lips, a perfect cover to all the torments Ryan's witnessed secondhand. He looks relaxed. Not a single drop worried that the other boy's less than happy to see him, despite how content Petre left him on their last encounter. And how long ago was that?]
It's been a while. I was hoping we could talk.
[A finger brushes on the door frame, and he looks down, not entirely suggestive in where he focuses. Then he feigns something like earnestness, hand pressing on his own chest.]
Sorry - was that insensitive?
[But there's a soft gaze and a smile lingering on his lips, a perfect cover to all the torments Ryan's witnessed secondhand. He looks relaxed. Not a single drop worried that the other boy's less than happy to see him, despite how content Petre left him on their last encounter. And how long ago was that?]
It's been a while. I was hoping we could talk.
[A finger brushes on the door frame, and he looks down, not entirely suggestive in where he focuses. Then he feigns something like earnestness, hand pressing on his own chest.]
Sorry - was that insensitive?
What if your roommate comes back?
[It's a lazy sort of question, because right now, with Ryan's fingers in his hair and his heartbeat once again beneath John's ear, he doesn't care. He couldn't care less. He'd send the roommate packing with a cold look or a blast of fire or whatever it took to be able to stay here and feel relaxed for once in his life.]
[It's a lazy sort of question, because right now, with Ryan's fingers in his hair and his heartbeat once again beneath John's ear, he doesn't care. He couldn't care less. He'd send the roommate packing with a cold look or a blast of fire or whatever it took to be able to stay here and feel relaxed for once in his life.]
I'm used to it.
[The deadpan tone of his thoughts has a slightly irritated edge to it, though. Normally he doesn't mind, he doesn't expect anyone to switch words for his sake, but pointing it out like that does annoy him a bit.
Ryan's staying right where he is, still avoiding actually inviting him inside. Despite everything he knows, he can't deny Petre's still attractive, and seeing him again just brings to mind that last meeting- especially how much he'd liked it.]
...look, just tell me what you wanted to talk about, alright?
[The deadpan tone of his thoughts has a slightly irritated edge to it, though. Normally he doesn't mind, he doesn't expect anyone to switch words for his sake, but pointing it out like that does annoy him a bit.
Ryan's staying right where he is, still avoiding actually inviting him inside. Despite everything he knows, he can't deny Petre's still attractive, and seeing him again just brings to mind that last meeting- especially how much he'd liked it.]
...look, just tell me what you wanted to talk about, alright?
[He just tongues the inside of his cheek, getting a flicker of Ryan's thoughts about said meeting. It's not like Petre's keeping it to his own thoughts, either. In fact he hopes Ryan gets more than just vague allusions to how well they both performed.
(-oh, holy shit, Petre-)]
I'm worried about you, Ryan. We never did discuss if I was any help.
[And he leans to the side, pressing his lips together in a boyish manner. It really is a good cover when it sits on such light features.]
Let's catch up. What've you been up to?
[Tone nonchalant, edging on mocking, because he's sure Ryan knows very well what he wants to talk about.]
(-oh, holy shit, Petre-)]
I'm worried about you, Ryan. We never did discuss if I was any help.
[And he leans to the side, pressing his lips together in a boyish manner. It really is a good cover when it sits on such light features.]
Let's catch up. What've you been up to?
[Tone nonchalant, edging on mocking, because he's sure Ryan knows very well what he wants to talk about.]
We'll deal with that if it happens.
[His answer is every bit as lazy, tone as soft as his smile. This is comfortable, more comfortable than he's been in a while, and it's more of a relief than he'd expected to know that John is too.]
...really did miss you, y'know.
[His answer is every bit as lazy, tone as soft as his smile. This is comfortable, more comfortable than he's been in a while, and it's more of a relief than he'd expected to know that John is too.]
...really did miss you, y'know.
[Oh, that's just unfair- his breath catches for a moment when he picks up on those thoughts, his grip on the doorknob tightening.]
--yeah. Yeah, you were.
[He can admit that much easily enough, at least in part because he knows it's nothing he could manage to lie about.]
But you made it pretty clear you weren't interested in things like catching up later. Thought you weren't the type, Petre.
--yeah. Yeah, you were.
[He can admit that much easily enough, at least in part because he knows it's nothing he could manage to lie about.]
But you made it pretty clear you weren't interested in things like catching up later. Thought you weren't the type, Petre.
[One of those Ryan statements that makes him feel both deeply uneasy and a bit touched at once. They saw one another nearly every day when Ryan was able to bring the lighter in for him and "study" for a bit. What he missed was the ability to touch, and right now, they're basically cuddling.
Has John ever cuddled? With anyone? Certainly not that he can remember off the top of his head.
He props himself up again, just on his elbow this time, to look down at Ryan. It's a searching look, not totally settled but not all the way to upset either. He's just wishing he had an even more direct pipeline to Ryan's brain, so he could know how deep this runs and exactly how much capacity he has to hurt Ryan at this moment. For some reason, the idea really does bother him.]
I was that good, huh. [It's a ridiculous joke - he fumbled nervously through Ryan's side of the pleasuring, just as nervously as he'd begun the kissing. Certainly not "that good." But it puts into perspective that they've only been physically close once before this, which seems important to John.
Even as he reaches up, appearing to go for Ryan's hair again, then ends up drawing his fingertips up and down the side of Ryan's neck instead. Now his eyes are a little more intent, lips pursed slightly.]
Has John ever cuddled? With anyone? Certainly not that he can remember off the top of his head.
He props himself up again, just on his elbow this time, to look down at Ryan. It's a searching look, not totally settled but not all the way to upset either. He's just wishing he had an even more direct pipeline to Ryan's brain, so he could know how deep this runs and exactly how much capacity he has to hurt Ryan at this moment. For some reason, the idea really does bother him.]
I was that good, huh. [It's a ridiculous joke - he fumbled nervously through Ryan's side of the pleasuring, just as nervously as he'd begun the kissing. Certainly not "that good." But it puts into perspective that they've only been physically close once before this, which seems important to John.
Even as he reaches up, appearing to go for Ryan's hair again, then ends up drawing his fingertips up and down the side of Ryan's neck instead. Now his eyes are a little more intent, lips pursed slightly.]
I wasn't really planning on that, no.
[This is his space, after all, and even if there's nothing actually dangerous about letting Petre into it-- it'd still feel like letting his guard down.]
We're talking just fine right here, aren't we? I don't think it's necessary.
[This is his space, after all, and even if there's nothing actually dangerous about letting Petre into it-- it'd still feel like letting his guard down.]
We're talking just fine right here, aren't we? I don't think it's necessary.
[Ryan peers right back at him, his own look much less searching-- there's not worry in it, just idle curiosity about what it is John's looking for in his face (and just maybe an idle thought or two about how he likes his eyes. What can he say, certain things keep coming to mind.)
That comment gets a breathless little laugh from him, though, a brief shake of his head.]
Maybe I wouldn't hand out any awards for that-- but you know I liked it.
[His eyes are half-lidded as John's fingers trail along his neck, head tilting to leave more of it exposed to his touch.
(I like you.)]
That comment gets a breathless little laugh from him, though, a brief shake of his head.]
Maybe I wouldn't hand out any awards for that-- but you know I liked it.
[His eyes are half-lidded as John's fingers trail along his neck, head tilting to leave more of it exposed to his touch.
(I like you.)]
[God, why can't he be normal. Why can't this be sweet. Why can't he just fall right into this and lose himself and have total, stupid, blind faith that it's the right thing to do. He's got temptations on every side and wants to, should run from all of them, yet can't bear the thought of going back to total solitude.
It's too good to be trusted. That's the plain and simple fact of the matter. And it's not only Ryan that he distrusts with something like this.]
Ryan - [But he's said all this already. Ryan just plain isn't listening. All that's left to do is break the connection immediately.
Which is exactly why John leans down and kisses him instead, gripping his neck more firmly.]
It's too good to be trusted. That's the plain and simple fact of the matter. And it's not only Ryan that he distrusts with something like this.]
Ryan - [But he's said all this already. Ryan just plain isn't listening. All that's left to do is break the connection immediately.
Which is exactly why John leans down and kisses him instead, gripping his neck more firmly.]
[It takes some restraint not to kiss him back more intently, after all the time he's spent thinking about doing it again, but Ryan manages. There's no less want in it, no less interest; it's soft, though, a contented thing more than an eager one, and that's plain from the feel of his thoughts.]
-John.
[That's all he can really say in response, a pleased acknowledgment that he's here, that this is happening, and that he's happy with it.]
-John.
[That's all he can really say in response, a pleased acknowledgment that he's here, that this is happening, and that he's happy with it.]
[And abruptly he relaxes, steps back from the doorway, tugging the door open wide enough for Petre to enter. It's a much better idea than just standing here.]
-d'you want to come sit for a while?
[With the door open the state of the room is clear: pretty clean, mostly organized. Ryan's bed has a couple books lying open on it, the covers pulled back; he's been studying, apparently.]
-d'you want to come sit for a while?
[With the door open the state of the room is clear: pretty clean, mostly organized. Ryan's bed has a couple books lying open on it, the covers pulled back; he's been studying, apparently.]
[And this is why Petre says that other people don't deserve him. Because they can be this peaceful and content in the company of someone who's using them. They have no idea how ugly and selfish his heart really is.
It's John who intensifies the kiss, not wanting this sweet, lazy energy to continue - this is affection, and they're about friendship and/or lust. Time to strengthen the boundaries. He slips a leg over Ryan's hips to straddle him properly and licks at his mouth, hungry, demanding.]
It's John who intensifies the kiss, not wanting this sweet, lazy energy to continue - this is affection, and they're about friendship and/or lust. Time to strengthen the boundaries. He slips a leg over Ryan's hips to straddle him properly and licks at his mouth, hungry, demanding.]
Thank you.
[A pleasant smile reaches his eyes cynically. Into the room he steps, and without ceremony he takes a seat right next to those books. He even picks one up to look at the cover, see what it's about. Nothing interesting, he's sure, so back down it goes.]
So.
[A pleasant smile reaches his eyes cynically. Into the room he steps, and without ceremony he takes a seat right next to those books. He even picks one up to look at the cover, see what it's about. Nothing interesting, he's sure, so back down it goes.]
So.
[There's a moment of confusion once he realizes what must have happened-- but there's nothing he can do about it save for closing the door behind him and turning back to Petre with a faintly weary expression. Fuck. This is going to have to happen.]
-so.
[He huffs out a breath, leans back against the door.]
You wanted to talk, fine, start talking.
-so.
[He huffs out a breath, leans back against the door.]
You wanted to talk, fine, start talking.
Same things I'm always up to. Classes, homework.
[Casual as he tries to keep it, his thoughts are definitely guarded, making it clear from their tone that he's purposely keeping this as lacking in detail as he possibly can.]
[Casual as he tries to keep it, his thoughts are definitely guarded, making it clear from their tone that he's purposely keeping this as lacking in detail as he possibly can.]
[And it's clear by the way Petre watches him intently that he's hearing very, very closely. Picking up any of those small whispers of a thought that the other boy releases every now and then. He learned to listen in for them while he had his dick in his mouth and he couldn't quite help himself.]
Sounds boring.
[Meanwhile, Petre has no qualms about thinking about their last night together again. How much more open Ryan was to his company than he is now. Something happened. John had to do with it. Of that he has no doubts.]
Been practicing while I was gone?
Sounds boring.
[Meanwhile, Petre has no qualms about thinking about their last night together again. How much more open Ryan was to his company than he is now. Something happened. John had to do with it. Of that he has no doubts.]
Been practicing while I was gone?
No.
[That answer comes just a little too quickly, almost defensively, and there are little hints of thoughts that come to mind immediately after-- unclear blurs of someone else's mouth on his. It's technically not a lie, Ryan hadn't exactly practiced what he'd done with Petre again, but that's only a technicality.]
Like I said last time, there's just- not a lot of opportunity for it.
[That answer comes just a little too quickly, almost defensively, and there are little hints of thoughts that come to mind immediately after-- unclear blurs of someone else's mouth on his. It's technically not a lie, Ryan hadn't exactly practiced what he'd done with Petre again, but that's only a technicality.]
Like I said last time, there's just- not a lot of opportunity for it.
[His eyes remain locked on him. He can see something slipping already, something he doesn't want to show. And why not, he wonders. Ryan hardly seemed embarrassed about discussing sex when they first met, let alone now that they're properly acquainted.]
So there's some.
[A tense moment of silence slips in between them. The curl of Petre's lips is no longer a smile, the sentiment in his eyes is no longer nonchalant or mocking.
Until he relaxes, leans back on his hands, pressed against the mattress.]
Hey - I'm available.
So there's some.
[A tense moment of silence slips in between them. The curl of Petre's lips is no longer a smile, the sentiment in his eyes is no longer nonchalant or mocking.
Until he relaxes, leans back on his hands, pressed against the mattress.]
Hey - I'm available.
[He can't keep his eyes fixed on Petre's, not for long. Part of it is simply nerves; the other part is that look on his face before he relaxes and settles a bit, one he's not at all sure he likes. That first comment's going completely unanswered, save for a brief, faint little shiver of an anxious feeling.]
-not that I'm not interested, I mean, I liked it-- I'm just, you know. Not sure I want to stick to anything totally casual.
-not that I'm not interested, I mean, I liked it-- I'm just, you know. Not sure I want to stick to anything totally casual.
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